Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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