i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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