i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
