i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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