how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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