this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
