Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Life is so much better after having sex.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
