Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
