grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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