I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
