This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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