this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
