Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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