I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
