There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
