Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
