Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
