found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Hippo gnu deer
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
