bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
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And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
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Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
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