Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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