I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
