There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
