We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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