can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
