I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
