I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
