there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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