I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
