We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
