margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Randomize
