i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
