Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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