I'm gonna have a badass scar
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
