How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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