We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
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My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
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Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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