I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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