I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
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he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
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Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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