if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
