i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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