Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
