Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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