my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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