Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
