If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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