im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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