I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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