Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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