she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
