Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
