Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
