dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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