Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
