the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
