4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
