So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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