he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
