you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I stole a fireplace last night.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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