Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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