Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
