i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
