omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
