Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
