Will you blow on my dice?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
my poor anus
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
