I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
