I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
