Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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