I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
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