today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Every concussion has its silver lining
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
