Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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