drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize