Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
