It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Randomize
