Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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